Things that I haven’t said (but I’ve wanted to):
So how was your day?
Aren’t you up past your bedtime, mister?
I drew a picture about you today…is that weird?
You know you still matter to me, right?
I still care about you so much.
Do you still want to hear about those fish? I’ve found some new really cool ones if you’re still interested…
I go through so much trouble trying to think up ways to start conversations with you. Haha, kind of ridiculous, huh?
I know I’m not supposed to be talking to you, but I really want to…so, hi.
Sometimes I do things or post things just because I think they’ll get you to talk to me. Sometimes they do. When they do, butterflies explode in my tummy and I end up saying stupid things to you.
I wish he were you.
I miss you so much.
I still love you and I’m grappling with the idea that I might have actually fallen for you and that scares me to death. It scares me because I was always so nervous around you to begin with; I was never myself. I was so afraid of being hurt by you that I never gave all of me over to you, because I was afraid of you rejecting the real me. I gave you my whole heart, but I hid behind caring about you so much. Too much. I got so hurt and now I’m settling for a guy who is no challenge at all, who thinks I’m absolutely perfect and wonderful and is a complete fool. He’s not you, but I wish he were. I wish I had you. Not just now, but ever. You always had me, but I never had you. When I told my best friend that there was so much of a chase with you, so much challenge, and that’s what I loved, she reminded me that, no, there was no chase, no challenge, only an impossibility. I don’t want something that I can’t have. Except I do. I want you, and you made it perfectly clear that I cannot and will not have you…but I still want you. More importantly, I want you to know just that.